Wunmi, did you like that movie we watched last night? What rubbish!
I can’t believe we still make movies that show a woman being beaten, harassed, humiliated and kicked out of her parents’ home just for losing her virginity before marriage!
I think so too but you don’t have to get all worked up.
It’s a reflection of the way our culture thinks about sexuality. It’s part of our cultural norms and taboos.
Cultural Norm: A norm is a standard, model or pattern considered to be typical. Some common Nigerian cultural norms are:
• A man is the bread winner of the family.
• Women are solely responsible for child-rearing.
• Men perform manual labour.
Cultural Taboo: a taboo is something thought by society to be improper or unacceptable. That doesn’t mean that no one does the things we think are taboo, it just means we don’t expect them to.
A taboo is often used to refer to something people don’t want to talk about.
You may have heard someone say that the subject of sexuality is taboo in many societies. That doesn’t mean no one talks about sex, but it does mean that you might be uncomfortable talking about it.
Some common Nigerian cultural taboos are:
- A woman is not supposed to refuse any sexual overtures or requests from her husband.
- Women are not supposed to be outspoken in the midst of men.
- Women are not supposed to propose marriage.
But cultural norms and taboos aren’t always right!
Often, they make life harder for the people who choose to make their own decisions!
Do you know that cultural taboos create myths about sexuality?
Yes. Myths like;
- Beating a boy with a broom can cause impotence.
- Eating too much beef encourages infertility.
- Having sexual intercourse in the afternoon can make you have “albinos.”
• Pregnant women should not go out at night to avoid encountering evil spirits.
And even these myths:
• Beating your wife prior to your having sexual activity increases the chances of pregnancy.
• Female circumcision is done to ease child birth.
Or these myths:
• Women who are menstruating should not go to the stream
• Female circumcision is a part of the culture and cannot be changed
• If a woman’s partner doesn’t smear sperm on her thighs and breast the man would become impotent.
We all know that none of that is true. But some people believe it. And when someone believes something strongly, it seems true to them.
And we will meet people who think differently to us in life.
There are benefits to knowing people, different from us: We can learn from them.
All people have the right to:
• Freely express their opinions.
• Freely choose their friends.
• Be free from discrimination.
• Choose the gender and number of their sexual partners
• Make their own decisions about what kind of family they want to have.
And we have the right to dress as we see fit. The other day I saw a teenage girl wearing a “boob tube,” and people were insulting her! Can you imagine?
She must be a strong girl. I’ll bet she gets the same reactions every time she wears that top.
But we all have the right to privacy and to make our own choices about sexuality.
On issues like contraception, abortion and masturbation, the individual’s choice must be respected regardless of what the society says.
You know, when we’re talking about our individuality and our sexuality, we’re really talking about our sexual identity.
Sexual Identity refers to a person’s idea of his or her own gender, sexual orientation, feelings and attractions.
Sexual identity is different from sexual orientation.
Sexual orientation refers to individual sexual attraction based on the gender of one’s partners. A person does not choose his/her sexual orientation; we each discover our feelings of attraction.
There are a couple of different kinds of orientation.
The most common are:
- Heterosexual: attracted to people of the opposite sex. –e.g. girls attracted to boys
- Homosexual: attracted to people of the same sex. E.g. Boys attracted to boys
- Bisexual: attracted to people of both sexes. E.g. Girls attracted to both boys and girls
Homosexual people, especially men, are usually called “gays.” Homosexual women are usually called “lesbians.” Heterosexual people are sometimes referred to as “straight.”
Same-sex attraction is a major taboo in Nigeria. Gay people face a lot of discrimination. Since people don’t want to talk about it, there’s a lot of false information about gay people floating around.
False statements like “gay people molest children,” “gay people can’t maintain long-term relationships” and “there are no gay people here” make it even harder for these people to live their lives happily and freely.
It’s important to respect everyone’s individuality and remember that it’s not up to us to make choices for other people. You can only set guidelines for your own behavior.
That’s true. Human Rights are things that everybody is entitled to under the law. It is a crime to violate anybody’s rights.
I have a right
Our sexuality and our sexual identity are part of what makes us human.
Every human being deserves the right to make their own choices, and to be treated fairly. That’s why it’s so important to talk about humanity – we are all human, and all different.
Enjoy your night! See you tomorrow.
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